Thoughts I Have Since Becoming a Mom

1. “You’re sleepy. Why wont’t you just take the nap?”

2. “Take the f#%*!~g nap…sweet child.”

3. “God, I’m an awful mom for cussing at my kid. Even if it was in my head 😣”

4. (To stranger) “DO NOT touch my baby’s head. She is asleep. Move along.”

5.  “Great, you woke her up. Now I have to murder you.”

6. “Is this normal?!?”

7. “When’s the last time my husband changed a damn diaper???”

8. “I might as well just change it. At least she won’t have a blowout if I do it.”

9.  “When will I get to go to a movie again?”

10. “It’s totally fine. Elena of Avalor is quality entertainment.”

11. “All my hair is falling out. Maybe I should just chop it.”

12. “But then I’ll have a mom haircut.”

13. “I feel less like an adult now. Why do I have a child? I can barely feed myself as it is.”

14. (To doctor) “Don’t ask me where she’s sleeping I will lieeeee like a sleepy hound dog.”

15. “I love you little sweetie. I love you so much I could just eat your face 😘”