Okay so I recently had the discussion with my husband that our sweet girl is now a toddler and will probably start behaving like one (she already does 😳). He obviously only sees her as the sweet angel she was when we brought her home. Of course she’s still the sweetest and I love her immensely, but Jesus she has become a sass master.
Let’s just say this girl is fierce and I see her conquering the world one day. For now, she reacts with vengeance when she’s told “no” and we’re working on that lol. So here are my little confessions since embarking on this terror train.
- I don’t like her sometimes. 🙁 Now, I always LOVE my child unconditionally but I don’t like her all the time. She just now walked up to me and clawed my face. Hence me not liking her for a second.
- When my husband leaves it all to me to deal with, I plot what household object I’d like to knock him out with. Fellas, be better. All around just be there for fuck’s sake.
- I see my temper in her and it scares the shit out of me. I hope I can teach her better coping skills than I have.
- I’m honestly terrified that I’m screwing her up. I’m trying my best to discipline in a constructive, science-backed manner but it’s freaking hard.
- I don’t like being a stay at home mom. I hate saying that because I wanted that for so long. This is probably an unpopular opinion but I feel like I’m wasting my education and it seriously devastates me. My husband doesn’t see me as the accomplished woman I am anymore and that pisses me off more than it makes me sad. I’m still wrestling with this and it’s okay.
Okay, rant over and if you made it through that, snaps for you! 😉
I know I’ve posted loving little references to my wonderful husband in the past, but I am not immune to the annoying shit that husbands put wives (and specifically moms) through. He’s a great dad. I’ll give him that, but if I could just get him to switch me places for one day….
- First of all… he’d be pretty damn irritated if I came home after work and just sat in my recliner and neglected to help with childcare. He does this 95% of the time. I’m sitting in the floor “playing” after only speaking to a tiny human all day and he just sits there. I can’t ask him for anything or even bother him to talk about the day until he’s sat there for at least an hour 🙄 he has a stressful job (air traffic controller), I get it. However, I also know he only works one freakin hour at a time and I’ve been holding my pee for three hours because the kid is having a clingy day.
- He’d also get a little annoyed if I put all my dirty dishes in the sink when the empty dishwasher sits 20 inches to the right…how hard is it? Will his balls fall off if he does this? I don’t know but there is a mysterious force that keeps him from loading the dishwasher 🤔
- Oh I know for a fact he’d get pretty pissed off if I asked for a gold sticker every time I did something around the house that’s just expected for everyone else. You know, picking up after yourself, laundry in the hamper, putting the q-tip you drop back in the trash can, changing a dirty diaper (not waiting an hour for someone else to do it), taking out the trash….you get it. Why do men want and freaking congratulations when they do stuff wives do 100x a week?? Where’s my damn cookie and confetti? 🙄
- Or, or, or….if my response to every request or complaint was simply “yeah but I work.” 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡
Yeah, I’m a stay at home Mom but guess what, I work LEAPS AND BOUNDS more than he does. My job is 24/7 without mandatory lunch breaks. Just something to think about….
Me too kid, me too. 😐
(Side note: cheers to me for posting two days in a row! 🙀)
When I became a mom I had this picturesque notion that I had at least 18ish months until I would be dealing with full fledged tantrums. I’m here to let all the readers know, I was wrong. I was devastatingly wrong.
At almost 10 months, we are now dealing with 5-10 tantrums a day. Let me reiterate…I had no freaking idea babies her age threw tantrums! So, I did what any other good, millennial mom would do. I Googled it 🙏🏼
The Google gods state that baby tantrums differ from toddler tantrums and they shouldn’t be handled in the same way. From what I gathered, baby tantrums arise out of a surge of emotion or frustration from not being able to move where said baby wishes or communicate wants or needs. (Insert mental dialogue: “Well shit. There is literally nothing I can do but continue guessing what she wants and help her ride the emotional roller coaster.”)
Folks I am here to tell you, this is hard and I am struggling. Today we tried repeatedly offering snacks, drinks, cuddles, and every toy in the house. I’d like to say I’m figuring her out but she’s like an entirely different person the older she gets. I love watching her evolve but girl is gonna give momma a drinking problem (as in coffee).
On a positive note, she learned where her nose is and how to point to it today. That’s a win, right?
I haven’t been as dedicated as I told myself I would be. I tried to be strict about writing on a regular basis but it’s fallen by the wayside. Mom life is definitely coming easier but I’m still struggling to grasp back onto “me”. I feel like I’ve lost a large part of my personality since becoming a mom.
Since I’ve been trying to climb out of this hole I’ve dove head first into crafts, fitness, and excessive Pinteresting. It’s unhealthy how much I’m on Pinterest and let me be clear…I am NOT a Pinterest mom (lol).
Some days I spend 3+ hours supervising free play from my recliner while I Pinterest things I wish I could be doing. I’m not even sure what I hope to accomplish by writing about this but maybe if another mom stumbles across this post and can relate to this numbness I feel, maybe she’ll feel relieved that she’s not alone. Maybe she’ll feel enough sunshine to climb out of her own hole.
I feel like my loss of concrete purpose is to blame. I’m no longer in school, no longer working, and I have no long term goals anymore. So, I’m just wandering…that’s the only thing I can equate it to. I suppose I’ll continue searching for my fleeing wit and work on being present. After all, that’s all any of us can guarantee.
The history of the struggle bus goes way back for this girl. My husband used to call me “Murphy” as in Murphy’s Law when we were in high school. At times, I’ve also been called “Grace” as an ironic nod to my clumsiness 🙄. It seems that every single day has a moment where I just have to sigh and say “seriously?!?” in reference to my unfortunate circumstances.
For instance, this week alone, my car was hit in a Hobby Lobby parking lot hit & run, my baby is teething and an absolute monster, and my dog puked enough to fill a football stadium and almost died. (She’s fine now btw…the dog. The baby is definitely still moody)
I suppose the point in me complaining about this nonsense is to demonstrate the constant knot in my stomach that is my life. This blog has become somewhat cathartic for my stress but I feel like I need to break this string of bad luck somehow. I mean, was I just a shitty person in a past life? What the hell? If anyone that stumbles across this post has any thoughts on ways to attract positivity, please share. Until then, I’m going to try every superstition, horoscope, rabbit’s foot, and four leaf clover to make me feel less like a chronic hot mess.
Perhaps the postpartum hormones are a little out of balance. Perhaps I’m just returning to my bitchy baseline. Maybe, I’m depressed. I’ve just been dwelling, quite extensively, on what all the crap we stress ourselves out over will mean in a year, ten years, when we’re in a nursing home. Who the hell cares if we get that next bonus? Our grandkids sure as heck won’t give a damn. They won’t care how much we had in our bank account, which Iphone we owned, or who we “networked” with at our work parties.
I just…can’t buy into the hooplah of the busy life we’re supposed to be sold on these days. Where is the emphasis on camping, running barefoot, and hugging the ones we care for. As a mother, I think it’s important to reflect on the slower way of life and not rush our little ones into this chaotic world we live in. I may still be constructing the framework of how I intend to do so, but I felt the impulse to share my feelings so they won’t weigh on my soul so heavily. I see so many moms trying to be the “IT” mommy. I just wish I could log on and see more individuals that were truly INDIVIDUAL.