Okay so I recently had the discussion with my husband that our sweet girl is now a toddler and will probably start behaving like one (she already does 😳). He obviously only sees her as the sweet angel she was when we brought her home. Of course she’s still the sweetest and I love her immensely, but Jesus she has become a sass master.
Let’s just say this girl is fierce and I see her conquering the world one day. For now, she reacts with vengeance when she’s told “no” and we’re working on that lol. So here are my little confessions since embarking on this terror train.
- I don’t like her sometimes. 🙁 Now, I always LOVE my child unconditionally but I don’t like her all the time. She just now walked up to me and clawed my face. Hence me not liking her for a second.
- When my husband leaves it all to me to deal with, I plot what household object I’d like to knock him out with. Fellas, be better. All around just be there for fuck’s sake.
- I see my temper in her and it scares the shit out of me. I hope I can teach her better coping skills than I have.
- I’m honestly terrified that I’m screwing her up. I’m trying my best to discipline in a constructive, science-backed manner but it’s freaking hard.
- I don’t like being a stay at home mom. I hate saying that because I wanted that for so long. This is probably an unpopular opinion but I feel like I’m wasting my education and it seriously devastates me. My husband doesn’t see me as the accomplished woman I am anymore and that pisses me off more than it makes me sad. I’m still wrestling with this and it’s okay.
Okay, rant over and if you made it through that, snaps for you! 😉
Y’all I’m writing to you from a desperate place. Little Millie is sick with her first real stomach “icky” and I’d be lying if I said was handling it like a pro. She started throwing up on Saturday. We’re coming up on the third evening of throwing up and my heart is breaking for her. I’ve cried literally every time she’s gotten sick and I wish more than anything I could take this sickness from her.
However, this is my first rodeo with something like this (well with my own kid anyways) and I’ve picked up some new mommy knowledge I thought I’d share. It’s probably old news to veteran moms but still…
- Keep butter bowls or Tupperware within reach at all times. Seriously keep them on every table, countertop, beside the couch, etc. Trust me.
- Co-sleeping breastfed baby? Sleep topless on top of towels and keep a stack of new towels by the bed. Also trust me lol After 12 loads of laundry I’ve given up on keeping pajamas on her and me.
- Keep nursing! Nurse any chance! You do not want that baby getting dehydrated. We’re currently nursing and offering sips of Pedialyte every 15 minutes. With that being said, SIPS are better than gulps when they’re still nauseous. Also learned that the hard way. Yes breastmilk is amazing but too much on and aggravated tummy leads to Excorcist like conditions.
- Call your mom, aunt, cousin, best friend, whoever! Being stuck at home bleaching everything sucks. Take three seconds for yourself and have an adult conversation even if said conversation is about the contents of your baby’s puke.
- When all else fails, sit in a warm, comfy bath with your sick babe. It will relax both of you and encourage nursing. Hey if puke happens in there, no big deal 🤷🏼♀️.
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading and wish me luck. I’m still stuck in the trenches of this one.
I haven’t been as dedicated as I told myself I would be. I tried to be strict about writing on a regular basis but it’s fallen by the wayside. Mom life is definitely coming easier but I’m still struggling to grasp back onto “me”. I feel like I’ve lost a large part of my personality since becoming a mom.
Since I’ve been trying to climb out of this hole I’ve dove head first into crafts, fitness, and excessive Pinteresting. It’s unhealthy how much I’m on Pinterest and let me be clear…I am NOT a Pinterest mom (lol).
Some days I spend 3+ hours supervising free play from my recliner while I Pinterest things I wish I could be doing. I’m not even sure what I hope to accomplish by writing about this but maybe if another mom stumbles across this post and can relate to this numbness I feel, maybe she’ll feel relieved that she’s not alone. Maybe she’ll feel enough sunshine to climb out of her own hole.
I feel like my loss of concrete purpose is to blame. I’m no longer in school, no longer working, and I have no long term goals anymore. So, I’m just wandering…that’s the only thing I can equate it to. I suppose I’ll continue searching for my fleeing wit and work on being present. After all, that’s all any of us can guarantee.
Okay, so maybe I don’t need to rant, but I at least deserve a good whine. I’m feeling very burnt out on life. I love being a mom. However, working and being a mom freakin’ blows. I want to spend my days playing with her. Trying to make myself be active and present with my career is becoming more of a task. I work from home most days, but I find it incredibly challenging to dedicate my time solely to working. I don’t have a babysitter so I attempt to work while she sleeps. I don’t see this working much longer. Her naps are becoming shorter and her time awake is filled with SO much more activity.
I suppose the whole point of this weeknight whine session is to ask for input. I want to hear how other moms make it work. Help me! How do you continue to feel a “spark” with your career?? I long for the days when I can make a career out of my creative passions, but for now I need to make money to contribute to my family’s income and I desperately need some inspiration…